Emotional Intelligence (a.k.a. EI or EQ) is wisdom about, and ability to deal with, emotions.
Emotional intelligence is developed, not automatic. Increasing your emotional intelligence makes life better.
Ideally, year by year we grow in emotional intelligence. As we experience various emotions we can recognize them faster and identify what has worked or not worked for us in the past when faced with that same emotion. If we feel rejected, recognize it, and work through it, we have developed wisdom that will help us the next time we feel rejected. When we go through life pretending we don’t have painful emotions, we don’t develop that wisdom. We may be 55 years old but are 14 emotionally. Still, all is not lost; we just have to play catch-up.
Showing posts with label emotional intelligence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional intelligence. Show all posts
Communication: it’s not just what you say
Communication is not just words. It's also tone & body language.
This points out several things:
1. Emotion is a very important part of communication.
Tone and body language express emotion. What this means to you: If you want to be a good communicator, it’s important to have a working knowledge of emotions.
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Anger
With an actual iceberg, about 1/3rd of it is visible and 2/3rds of it is hidden under the surface. With anger, anger is the visible response, and some sort of emotional pain is hidden under the surface. Instead of dealing with that pain directly, we turn it into anger as a way to release it or redirect it. It’s much healthier to learn how to identify and process directly the pain that’s underneath the anger.
That emotional pain under the anger could be many things: fear, rejection, shame, resentment . . . . There are many possibilities. Learning to identify the specific emotions you are feeling is an important step in dealing with anger.
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Own your stuff
Owning your problems, opinions, wants and needs and letting others own theirs is a basic foundation principle for successful communication. It’s not only important when you’re communicating with others, it’s also important when you’re communicating with yourself.
Anger and discomfort can grow when we ruminate about how bad someone else made us feel. First of all: no one can MAKE you feel anything. They may do something and you have a certain emotional response, but they didn’t make you feel it.
Your emotional response to situations arises from your unique makeup of biology and personal history, including experiences ranging from early life to a few minutes ago. Own it—it’s yours.
Anger and discomfort can grow when we ruminate about how bad someone else made us feel. First of all: no one can MAKE you feel anything. They may do something and you have a certain emotional response, but they didn’t make you feel it.
Your emotional response to situations arises from your unique makeup of biology and personal history, including experiences ranging from early life to a few minutes ago. Own it—it’s yours.
Feeling is not a 4-letter word
Some people act like feelings are something other people—lesser people—have, but not something they experience themselves. This concept grows out of training from parents who had that same idea or contact with adults or peers who made acceptance conditional upon the “feelings are bad” code.
The reality is that feelings, or emotions, are an integral and crucial part of being human. Emotions are great tools that let us know what is going on between us and the world. They create a feedback loop that can inform our choices about what to think, do, and say. Fear of big trucks on the move can keep us from walking out into the street as one passes by. Ignoring that feeling can be deadly.
If we don’t pay attention to our emotions, they will still create behaviors in us, we just won’t be as in control of those actions as we are when we are conscious about our emotions.
The reality is that feelings, or emotions, are an integral and crucial part of being human. Emotions are great tools that let us know what is going on between us and the world. They create a feedback loop that can inform our choices about what to think, do, and say. Fear of big trucks on the move can keep us from walking out into the street as one passes by. Ignoring that feeling can be deadly.
If we don’t pay attention to our emotions, they will still create behaviors in us, we just won’t be as in control of those actions as we are when we are conscious about our emotions.
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