Forgiveness – It’s not just for others

It’s not only important to be able to forgive other people.  It’s important to be able to forgive yourself.  Healthy forgiveness involves accessing mistakes and releasing resentment for those mistakes.  You learn from the mistake.  Make amends when appropriate.  And work at improving future behavior.   

Forgiving yourself involves humility: the recognition that you’re human and humans make mistakes.

Shame, guilt, and regret are emotions that are meant to make us notice when something we did hurt our self or others.   Once you’ve paid attention to that message and made adjustments accordingly, it does not serve you or anyone else for you to wallow in the shame, guilt or regret.  Forgiving yourself helps you move on.   It helps you break free of burdens that can keep you stuck.

“Show me a person who’s never made a mistake, and I’ll show you the person who’s never made anything.”  – Anonymous

©Ann Silvers, MA, LMHC; www.annsilvers.com Ann@annsilvers.com 206-660-9840

Own your stuff

Owning your problems, opinions, wants and needs and letting others own theirs is a basic foundation principle for successful communication. It’s not only important when you’re communicating with others, it’s also important when you’re communicating with yourself.
Anger and discomfort can grow when we ruminate about how bad someone else made us feel. First of all: no one can MAKE you feel anything. They may do something and you have a certain emotional response, but they didn’t make you feel it.

Your emotional response to situations arises from your unique makeup of biology and personal history, including experiences ranging from early life to a few minutes ago. Own it—it’s yours.

Integrity

A definition of integrity:

Behaving in an ethical way. Being worthy of people’s trust.

I had a client who told me in their first session that he had been “working on integrity.” He said it as if to declare that integrity was something he had made great strides at and was proud of his level of the quality. Just about the time of his 3rd scheduled appointment he called and said that he had guests and could not make it to the appointment. I reminded him that the contract he signed with me said that clients must pay for an hour if they do not give 24 hours notice of cancellation. I also reminded him that we had a conversation about the policy. I make exceptions for sudden illness etc, but this last-minute re-prioritization of time was not an exceptional circumstance. That was the last I saw of him & he did not pay for the missed appointment. He was right about one thing: he needed to work on Integrity.

Working on building Integrity, some things to think about:
Have you had an opportunity lately to work on advancing your skill with the quality of Integrity?
Do you see an opportunity in the near future?
Have you had challenges with Integrity in the past?
Do you know someone who demonstrates Integrity often? How does it impact their life & the people around them?
How would Integrity, or lack of Integrity, impact your relationships?

© Ann Silvers, MA, LMHC ann@annsilvers.biz  Silverstream Unlimited, PLLC

206-660-9840 http://www.annsilvers.biz/