Communication: it’s not just what you say

Communication is not just words.  It's also tone & body language.

This points out several things:
1. Emotion is a very important part of communication.
    Tone and body language express emotion.  What this means to you: If you want to be a good communicator, it’s important to have a working knowledge of emotions.
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Anger

I see anger as mostly a secondary emotion. It’s the tip of the iceberg.

With an actual iceberg, about 1/3rd of it is visible and 2/3rds of it is hidden under the surface. With anger, anger is the visible response, and some sort of emotional pain is hidden under the surface. Instead of dealing with that pain directly, we turn it into anger as a way to release it or redirect it. It’s much healthier to learn how to identify and process directly the pain that’s underneath the anger.

That emotional pain under the anger could be many things: fear, rejection, shame, resentment . . . . There are many possibilities. Learning to identify the specific emotions you are feeling is an important step in dealing with anger.
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Reasons people stay in abusive relationships

There are many reasons why people choose to stay in abusive relationships. The reasons may be complex and deeply rooted in private and cultural patterns or they may simply be that they know of no practical alternative. Any or all of the following may be factors:

 Hope: that things will be better. Abuse may come and go in cycles: increasing tension-abuse-release of the tension; back to increasing tension-abuse etc. A lull in the abuse keeps reigniting hope that the abuse is finished. Also, the partner may promise change when there is a threat that the relationship will end.
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