Communication is not just words. It's also tone & body language.
This points out several things:
1.
Emotion is a very important part of communication.
Tone and body language express emotion. What this means to you:
If you want to be a good communicator, it’s important to have a working knowledge of emotions.
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Read More to see the rest of the list.
2.
Emotions have a tendency to ooze out of us even when we think we’re hiding them and even when we don’t consciously know we have them. I had a client that told me in our initial phone conversation that he wanted help with anger. When he came in for the first appointment he said: “I don’t know why people are always saying I’m angry. I’m not angry!” He eventually realized that anger had been his usual state and he unconsciously let people know with his facial expressions and tone.
3. It’s very
confusing when tone and body language don’t match words. The hearer is left guessing what’s really going on. The classic example is asking your partner what’s wrong and being told “Nothing,” with a tone and body language that let’s you know you’re right to sense something’s wrong, you’re just not going to be told directly what it is.
4. You have to
consider the tone and body language that went along with a statement if you’re going to talk about the effect of that statement. If your partner says their feelings were hurt when you said “I don’t want spinach for dinner” and the way you had said it at the time had an angry, demeaning tone; and you respond to their concern by saying, “but, I only said I don’t want spinach for dinner” and this time you say it with a sweat, apologetic tone—you aren’t talking about the same statement.
5.
Beware email and text messages. When we read written words, we hear tone in our head and attribute the words with an attitude. We may have it wrong. Be careful about assuming you got the emotion behind the words right. When in doubt—check it out. I had a client who made a pact with his girlfriend that they would call and have a voice conversation whenever one of them felt a text conversation was going sideways.
For more about emotions see:
Feeling is not a 4-letter word
© Ann Silvers, MA, LMHC
ann@annsilvers.biz http://www.annsilvers.biz/
206-660-9840
http://silverstreamunlimited.com/ Silverstream Unlimited, PLLC
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