Ways abusive women abuse men: a list

Abusive people sometimes have methods-of-choice and so focus their abuse in a few select ways. Others use a variety-pack of abuses. The following are examples of how abusive women abuse men. Some of the ways women abuse are the same or similar to those used by men, some are unique to women.  It is important to be clear that it would not be expected that all the possible techniques are used in each case.

Examples of how abusive women abuse men:

1. “accidental” or coerced pregnancy – effective way to keep a man attached to them, may be to extract childsupport

• pin pricks in condoms
• “my IUD fell out”
• “I forgot to take my pills”
• “a/another child will make our marriage better”
• make partner think he wants a child

2. sexual abuse

• using sex to lure & trap (sometimes denying access after trapping) 
• using sex as a manipulation tool 
• withholding sex  
• using sex as a reward for desired behavior
• flirting or having affairs with other men
• sexual teasing
• seduction followed by rape accusation

3. feigning illness

• this hearkens back to times when women took arsenic to appear weak & in need of someone to take care of them
• particularly illnesses based on self-reported symptoms: depression, anxiety, pain
• the illness becomes an excuse for a myriad of things: getting out of work, appearing too sick to be left, other abuses

4. financial abuse

• controlling the finances
• misuse of funds
• keeping the family poor -- limits partner’s ability to escape
• refusal to contribute financially to the family unit
• sabotaging your job or threatening to do so

5. verbal abuse

• berating, fault-finding, humiliating, mocking, biting sarcasm
• circular arguing --- illogical arguing that leaves partner in a trance
• ranges from rageful to passive aggressive
• body language that is demeaning and belittling (ie: eye rolling)

 6. isolation

• alienate friends & family
• limit contact with friends & family
• undermine relationships
• tell negative stories about partner to others (may contain a kernel of truth, but is purposefully exaggerated)

7. alienation of affection: alienating his children, aka parental alienation

8. playing helpless

9. unwillingness to take responsibility for their bad behavior

• sometimes blaming him for her bad behavior

10. physical abuse

• throwing or breaking things
• scratching, kicking, biting
• hitting with hands or objects
• assaulting with knives, guns, vehicles, golf clubs, etc

11. demanding and controlling

• extracting a “price” for going against their wishes: silent treatment, verbal abuse…

12. histrionics

• overly dramatic reactions
• overemotional responses that demand attention or that the partner behave in a certain way to make the response subside
• use crying to punish and pull partner in line

13. lying or withholding information

• when challenged on the lies or withholding will divert attention, adamantly deny, make partner the bad guy for accusing them of lying

14. threatening

• to be sad/melancholy
• to leave
• to not allow access to their children
• to undermine his job
• to commit suicide
• to hurt him or others

15. false accusations voiced to family, clients, co-workers, friends, and/or legal authorities

• false accusations of sexual abuse of themselves or children, rape, physical abuse, verbal abuse
• falsify information to get a restraining order or deprive him of access to his children

16. unreasonable jealousy

17. stalking

18. harassment

• phone calls, text messages, emails, in-person, through third parties

19. destruction of his property

• throwing of his possessions out on the lawn
• slashing his tires
• damaging something with special significance for him
• etc

20. malicious use of process

• unfounded use of court or legal action in order to extract a cost from you

© Ann Silvers, MA, LMHC  ann@annsilvers.com  Silverstream Unlimited, PLLC

206-660-9840   http://www.annsilvers.com/